When my inappropriately timed humor finally catches up to me…

I am notorious with my friends for being serious when everyone else is joking and joking when everyone else is serious.  A friend of mine (who I’ve only known for 3 months tops) hit it right on the head when she told me that my eyes look like Chevy Chase’s in ” Three Amigos!” since she could not tell if I was serious or joking at the time.  I suppose I inherited this from my father, who can make my nephew almost cry when he gets serious when the are joking, but my dad is really joking (he invented it, it’s like the double reverse… I’m working on it).

Here’s where it gets really creepy.

I was at happy hour with some co-workers the other day and one of the guys there told me I look like someone famous.  Of course I assumed Tyrese Gibson or Antonio Banderas, but he couldn’t put his finger on it until… Chevy Chase.  Now mind you we all had had a few beers, but everyone thought I look like Chevy Chase.  So here I am,  being called Chevy Chase because of the way I look and act (a young Chevy mind you… I like to think he is handsome).  That doesn’t leave much else for me to be.  It could be worse (Gilbert Godfried,  Carrot top).  I’m not sure what else to say about it except there is an email at work circulating with a picture of Chevy with my name under it.  I guess I am going to start working on my Chevy quotes, so be forewarned.

I found out I am going to be recruiting on campus in the Fall at Northwestern, which is a bonus.  I’m also going to be playing worship at church for the 20 something ministry. 

Tomorrow is my first shot at going to the gym BEFORE work starts. 

I found a sweet sushi bar in Midland where one of the chefs is Chinese. 

If you want to know what my church is like, including the ladies, ask our friend who works for big oil and is from Georgia. 

God Bless all y’all

I may stop by Chicago in two weeks going through. Holla!

Original sin

So here is my first assertion of many about life:  Adam and Eve were crappy parents.

I think a lot of the problems in this world can be traced back to the effects of bad parenting.  Using that logic,  the first ever parents in the world did a pretty bad job of it.  I will concede that Adam and Eve had no parents (human parents people) to set an example, but I still think they probably did a poor job. 

My real point here is that a lot of our problems were either our parents problems or reactions to our parents problems.  I bet Hitler didn’t get hugged very much as a child, but seriously if someone’s father beats them up every night after getting drunk,  the kid can grow up to be the same way, or become so detached from his own children that those kids end up with different problems.  But it still leads back to the drunk abusive grandfather.  I refuse to leave woman out of this because I know they can have just as big an impact as a man.

My next point is that it usually requires a great effort to overcome these obstacles.  I believe that it surely is by the grace of God in most cases that people can come through the better for it, but it also requires a great deal of sacrifice and discipline on the part of the person coming through it.  I think some of the people I admire the most are the ones that despite their past can make something good out of their lives.  I see this a lot with immigrants or people who start their own businesses despite insurmountable odds.  I have seen it with good friends just trying to make it through another day.  I guess it seems like our struggles and sins and the sins of our fathers provide the best chance to see the power of God here on Earth. 

Also about Adam and Eve being bad parents,  think about it… Adam gets tossed out of the Garden of Eden and then Eve starts throwing up with morning sickness or has PMS.  Adam has no support group, golf group, bar, etc.  Then Eve thinks she looks fat (but honey you are the best looking woman on Earth! ) .  He has to DELIVER the baby… make that babies!  I bet he was seriously an angry/sad man.  He couldn’t be a banker even if that was his dream.  There was no one else around.  Farming is not easy.  Scavenging isn’t paradise either. 

Seriously though I bet Adam and Eve had a HUGE amount of guilt and that had to screw up their parenting of all their children.  Adam didn’t please his heavenly Father, so Abel always tries to please him, Cain rebels… thus begins the saga.  Now someone could point out that at the time Adam and Eve were also the best parents on Earth, but I just said it so no you can’t point that out so my argument stands. 

I get to head back to Appleton for a wedding in a few weeks, which is pretty rad.  Now if my suit would just fit a little looser…

Why my life is perfect for me.

I would write topics about you, but I don’t know you that well so listen to the ridiculous goings on in my new home.

So my new job involves me unleashing the power of sand.  However I also have the priviledge of working in a lab that uses sulfur in some reactions.  Now if you know me well, “kinda” know me well, or have even heard about me from someone else, you probably know that I am a very gassy person.  Yes folks now you know the chink in my armor.  However, whenever I am at work, I can slip into the laboratory (or in my case, the reliefartory) and let nature balance out the pressure.  If anyone comes in I can just say something like “man these sulfur compounds sure do smell a lot, dang!” 

The other cool thing about being out here is that the Eastern Time Zone, while normally annoying, shows Jeopardy at 7pmEST. Cha-Ching!  It has been rocky though since the last two champions I have seen have been annoying morons.  It is not as fun to watch the show when I know I will be annoyed by one of the contestants. 

On a more philosophical note, the first movie I watched on my new TV with the full surround sound setup was “Unbreakable.”  I hadn’t seen it for awhile and I always remembered that I liked it better than “The Sixth Sense” but I couldn’t remember why.  Now I know…  It has to do with the story behind Bruce Willis’ extraordinary ability (he is basically Wolverine without claws).  During most of the movie he denies his strength and acts humbly, actually he acts meekly.  He knows he is different but ignores the pleas from his son and his enemy (SAMUEL L JACKSON!!!! I TYPE LIKE HE TALKS) to show his strength.  It hits it’s peak when he bench presses like 500 pounds when his max in college was 185. He even suppressed his strength to please his wife when they were in college.  My point is that something inside of me goes bonkers in a good way when he finally sees who he is and takes hold of it. I think it is along the same lines of Braveheart or Gladiator, but in a much more relatable character.  I guess I just see a lot of people, and I’m no exception, who could stand to do a lot of good if they would just take hold of their abilities with confidence. 

Speaking of strengths, I got a membership here. The weak need not apply.  I have to actually stuff my t-shirt so my pecs look big enough so they will let me in. This completes my geographical trinity.  The three things in life I need are all within 1 mile in each direction from my house: Church, Groceries, and Smitty.

Ok so I got a new monitor today so I have full computer access at home so I can write more.  Best Buy pretty much owns me for the next few months, but they probably buy silicone caulk for the employee rest room so I’m basically just helping me make money.

Oh yes to follow up on the girls buying paint story…

I had the “honor” of sitting in a hardware store for two hours while 4 young ladies tried to agree on paint colors.  I learned that 1)I know very little about decorating and 2)I don’t care about decorating. 

I was also in LA for a  weekend catching up with friends at a wedding.  The wedding was great except for the 85 degree outdoor reception where I wore a jacket because that is how I roll.  When and if I ever get married,  unless my wife can physically beat me to submission ( which might not be the WORST thing…what?!)  I am going to get married in the Winter when the ladies who dress up in the skimpy clothing can freeze while the grizzly bearded sport jacket wearing men can be the belles of the ball. 

That is all for now.  Drop me a line if you want  to hear more… or less.   Curious you are hmmm?

Miscellaneous Doings

I am typing this in the Dow memorial Library since I don’t have internet access.  Apparently someone has completed the gallon challenge with whole milk but I said HUMANS can’t complete the challenge and MANGRICHES don’t count. Hah take that!

I bought a new 42″ LCD TV the other day.  The fun part came about when I had to fit it in all its’ packing splendor in the back of my Grand Am.  I had to either pay $50US for delivery approximately .5 miles to my place or to get extreme.  Of course I got creative and by creative I mean I took it out of the big box and put it in my back seat while I crawled home in my car praying I wouldn’t hit a deer (that is a whole nother story…).  The hardest part was actually getting the huge box home in, or should I say ON, my car.  I held it with my left hand out the window while driving with the right hand.  I live by a highway and if you didn’t know, they get super windy.  I had to stop a few times to let my muscles, chiseled as they may be, rest.  I ended up opening my sunroof and holding the box with my right hand half the time as well.  With as much fuss as there was, I got everything home with the new receiver I bought and I will hopefully have 5.1 surround sound too. 

I have started work, and they keep me busy with a lot of stuff.  I am currently looking into a technology that makes tires more efficient.  Take that people who drive hybrids! 

Again I’m creeped out by having to check my email in the library.  Someone is probably stealing my credit card as I write this so I need to go catch them and tell them there is a huge TV on the bill so they shouldn’t even bother.  Not much else to report.  I saw a caged female raccoon today.  She was crazy pissed and dehydrated, a dangerous combination in females (zing!).  I’m chugging along. I hope everyone is doing well. Let me know how you be being.

The Water Gallon Challenge

In addition to our final apartment meal of beer, beefstew, and baked beans, my roommate and I had a “water gallon challenge.”  We had two unopened gallons of water, one from the closet just in case terrorists attacked Chicago, and another one from his car in case we broke down on the way to El Paso, Texas.  Now if you know me you know I don’t have the most forgiving GI tract and beefstew, baked beans, and beer don’t help when you are trying to drink a gallon of water very quickly.  My roommate finished the gallon after about 3 hours with the help of some exercise.  I started to get dizzy after two hours and ended up finishing my gallon in about 13 hours at 2am. 

Oh and also, we added penalties to the gallon challenge.  Any time one of us went to the bathroom, we had to drink a penalty glass of water.  The other penalty I wanted to add was when someone went to the bathroom, they had to add a scoop of Swiss Miss cocoa to their gallon.  Matt didn’t care for this so much. 

I have one buddy who has tried to drink a half gallon of milkshake and got what I call reverse hypothermia along with a half gallon of upchuck.  I have been told by my brother that the gallon of milk challenge is physically impossible as well. 

Coming soon,

The LA wedding

Why girls love paint (?)