I had the privilege last evening of going out to a piano bar downtown. Now mind you that I don't go to many (read: any) bars especially downtown, but I think this one had the right idea. Aside from a $10 cover at the door, things ran pretty smooth. First, they had a guy at the door with a big tub of cold beer, which contained $6 Fat Tire Ale 22oz bottles. They definitely have men in mind here (at the tub) because what I saw next was the least masculine area possibly in the entire world. The idea of the piano bar is that there are two piano players at any given time playing requested music. There is also a drummer and bass player. Unbeknownst to me, pretty much every woman who was having a bachelorette party was there last night. Young ladies drinking jello out of syringes (literally a shot I guess) and crazy scream-singing were abundant. Now,
WHY I DON'T UNDERSTAND WOMEN
Loud, crappy singing. These girls were singing along to songs they hardly knew the words to and were doing a pretty bad job of it. The musicians were clearly the ones people came to see perform, yet every girl was singing the song to the girl next to her who could care less if she was singing. Imagine a circle of six girls all facing to their left singing to the girl on their left while that girl doesn't care that the girl to her right is singing. Also when my guy friends and I would try to sing the guys parts to the songs, like the Meatloaf "let me sleep on it" part of that annoying 80's duet or any song sung by a man (200 woman singing Bon Jovi is more wrong than right) we had to try to scream to drone out the treble voices. I don't understand women.
Also, at all the bachlorette functions, penises are ubiquitous. I saw penis straws, penis alien antennae, even a penis encrusted bridal veil. First, I think it is wonderful that on her last night of being a single woman, the bride celebrates the male genitalia. I wonder what the equivalent celebration would look like for a bachelor party…. oh wait. Doesn't the whole idea of the phallix celebration push the woman's liberation movement back a bit?
Best story of the night:
The piano player started playing the Beastie Boys song "Girls", which is a song that basically talks about how all they really want is girls etc, and this girl next to me goes nuts. Just nuts on the dance floor flying around happy. I glance over at her friend and she says "it's OK, she's a lesbian" and I laugh. After about 10 seconds I glance back and say "are you serious?" She says "yes, why? don't you know that the gay pride parade is tomorrow?" Now the gauntlet was thrown down. She was questioning my gay knowledge. I told her that I did know the Gay Pride Parade was the next day (leaving out that I knew the channel two CBS team had a float) and then I BLEW HER MIND by informing her that the Gay Games were being held in Chicago in a few weeks. Clearly rattled by her ignorance, she asked me if I was going, where I then told her I was not. We made peace however when her cute friend accidentally (or was it?) rubbed her elbow against mine. I would have asked her to dance but then I would have been surrounded by the scream-singing again (see above).
What was nice about the bar was that there was about 50 girls for every guy. Most notable was that of all the guys there, this middle aged, pot-bellied man in a turban looking thing was getting tons of ladies. Kudos to him!
After tomorrow I will have hardly anything left here in Illinois, with most of my schtuff being in Michigan. My roommate and I will likely have our final meal in the apartment as the same meal we had when we got our first apartment: Dinty Moore Beef Stew with Baked beans mixed in it and beer.
